Raising the Insta Game
Ok so I full on admitted in my previous post that I am addicted to Instagram but also I do not care – I frickin’ love it.
For the record – some days I say friggin‘, some frickin’, some feckin’ usually fuckin’ though. Anyway that is by the by. Bytheby. Love saying that. I also love saying suck it and see but that is probs for another story. Sorry I mean post. So old school – story who even says that! I mean OMG. For the record the kids no longer speak like this. If I say LOL to my teen girls they nearly puke. No Jokes.
Getting to the point – here are some iddy biddy clues to to whether you have an Instagram addiction or ways you can raise you IG game.
Come join my merry Instatribe. PS I do not actually have a tribe. Not a real one. I stalk. Mainly who I would like in my tribe and I totally set my InstaGoals high but when one of them comments or maybe even likes it is totes emosh.
My vibe attracts my tribe as my supremely talented friend Ellen Waldren points out here in one of her many fabulous designs. I aim to fill my house with her loveliness. She also loves a jolly good swear too so we are pretty much InstaBFFs!
So let me begin my InstaLife Breakdown for you:
But First Coffee
Firstly. Coffee will nearly always be cold by the time you get to drink it. If drinking hot then the disappointment that said coffee was not Insta-worthy leaves a bitter aftertaste of disappointment will leave you seeking another.
If, however, coffee is presented in such a way that you deem it worthy of squaring up – WTF are you waiting for?? Let the flat lay commence.
Are hands in shot? Nails suitably prepped? Fingerless hand-crocheted angora gloves at the ready for added Hygge appeal? Have you any Eucalyptus? No fucking Eucalyptus?! Where the fuck is the Euc? Rannunuclas?
Anyone, I beg of you – bring me a flower. Gasp – little bit of sick actually came into my mouth!? Not faux. Never faux darling. Not for the coffee shot?? What on earth would my millions of followers think? (ok 287 at last count but sometimes I get really close to 300 before they leave me overnight – not sure what I do to offend overnight. Can they hear me fart?)
Have Coffee, Need Wee Wee
Now if you have read my blog recently you will already know way more than you should about my toilet habits. Having had four children pushed out the v-jayjay my pelvic floor is stuck well and truly on the ground floor. Trampolines are not my friend and as much as I want to jump on the whole Bounce bandwagon, ain’t nobody want to see that. Anyway. I waffle. As per.
After coffee, always wee wee. There are two types of Instagrammers. Those who use the toilet time to have a peek and scroll perhaps dropping a like or maybe if brave a comment or two. Then there are those who seem to wee in the most divine bathrooms in the world. Mish for 2017 is to create a square-ready bog. I have even created a Pinterest INPO Bog INSPO board and feel free to give me tips and advice on how to create this masterpiece. Once done I invite you all to have a pee, anytime. No No 2s though.
So my toilet at present is not somewhere to pose for selfies. I have no banana leaf wallpaper (it actually hurts my heart how much I long for banana leaf wallpaper!) but I am happy in my toilet. Firstly it works – which is more than I can say for the stupid En-Suite in our bedroom. Secondly and most importantly it has a lock. It is my haven, the closest I get to a Spa Day, my panic room. No I cannot open your Frube, no I cannot pay another £3.99 for a Futdraft on Fifa, no I do not know when the Cold War started – jeez have you not heard of Google child?! Sometimes if I stay in there long enough they leave me alone. Bjork – It’s Oh So Quiet. Well if quiet means two squabbling over the PS4 or the sound of the Swegway being bashed into my gorgeous kitchen cupboard…..Shhhhhhhh shhhhhhhh. My haven. The bog.
Once you get past the whole Insta-Envy thing you can be happy with what you have and suddenly your eyes will open to a huge source of inspiration and you can start to create masterpieces in your own homes. Like moi. I have been a busy bee and I cannot wait to show you the first of my reveals – that is what we call them on social media dwarlings. Reveals.
I have various projects on the go at the moment (Hence INPO – In No Particular Order – in that I am such a child, fidget fart with an attention span of a gnat)
The Boo Boo’s room (Liberty, Bibby, Bibby Boo – The Boo Boo). I want her bedroom. It is beyond amazing. Will show you that next month and tease you with a little tiny peekaboo.
Then, I am so beyond excited that the Decorator – a real one – is coming to do the hallway next month and I am working with @bagandbones on something really special and I cannot wait to get that sorted. BTW this is the first time we have had a proper Decorator man. With overalls and everything! Not my Dad, not me but Hallways are such bastards aren’t they??
Life and Gram collide with interiors and at the moment it is having such a positive impact on my ickle INPO world. I just had to get past that whole envy thing but if you start to look behind the images, peel back the layers, learn about people, listen to people. Then and only then will you understand that life is life. No matter how big and fabulous the bog. You are going to be well gel of my toilet when it is done though – prob some time in 2018, maybe 2020. Soon though.