So today is another tomorrow. Another Monday. Every Monday I start on my new thing. My new diet. The new beginning. The trouble is every week I was starting because I hated my body. So if I was lucky I would make it to Tuesday before the self-sabotage would kick in and the sense of being an epic failure would smack me round the chops. Another week gone. More hatred would build inside.
This week is different. It’s Tuesday for a start. This week though. A change is a coming.
Following on from the blog post Big Girls Don’t Cry I have been swept along on a journey of #bodypositivity and I can tell you it feels friggin’ epic. I feel completely knackered by the emotional roller coaster, overwhelmed and a little bit scared if that can make any sense at all!
Natalie from @stylemesunday seemed to start off this movement and it honestly feels like a movement. Like the tide is turning. Sure, Natalie is a a vision of beauty but it is the message she is delivering that makes her beauty shine like a beacon of light. Natalie is the founder of the #warriorwomanproject and I have said I will try and have my photo taken as part of a photo shoot if I can be brave. The very thought of it fills me utter dread. Mainly due to the fact that I have hated on myself for over 25 years.
The Hate – Boobs that were once pretty amazing have fed four children and are basically empty vessels that need to be rolled into bras that hoist them into place. The tummy that has been stretched when the babies who lived in there is scarred and has a whole set of spare tyres in case of emergencies. The thighs do not only knock together, they fight. My calves are bigger than my husbands. My arms have been hidden away for years for fear of knocking over small children if the bingo wings took flight. The chins. I could go on.
What Natalie is encouraging and teaching is to embrace ourselves. Be kind to ourselves. Enjoy our bodies. This is not a size thing. Something I have realised since the Big Girls post is that many people are just so plain nasty to themselves. Fat or thin. Well we all need to fight back. I am a down right nasty bitch to MOI. This has to end.
Considering some pretty amazing people have been sharing photos of themselves in bikinis it may seem my efforts have been quite pathetic. I wore a vest top. I know – sounds pretty lame right? For me this was huge. Even when I got married I found a dress with floaty sleeves so I could cover them up. I was not even half the size I am now back then. I hate my arms. Why? How can I have such a strong emotion over a part of my body?
This weekend Natalie made something change. As I looked in the mirror I tried to focus on my smile, my dimples. I then looked at my arms and tried to turn my back on the hatred. It is a battle in my head right now as the years of negativity are fighting against this new surge of emotion. How did it feel? It felt pretty monumental. Rather than hating what I saw I began to see what others tell me all the time. I’m a bit of alright. A bit of a sort. Not bad for 42. I cried. For once I stood in front of a mirror crying happy tears. All because I was being nice to ME.
The whole of Instagram seemed to come alive with amazing motivating, inspiring posts and stories this weekend.
Clemmie Hooper @mother_of_daughters posted in a bikini and then the other Clemmie @clemmie_telford posted in a bikini and I know it blows peoples minds to think there are two Clemmies with fringes but this shizzle is real. I have total girl-crushes on both of them. They looked the nuts. Then the fabulous @iamalisonperry posted some bloody beautiful swimming costumes shots with her daughter. If you have battled with your body image this shit is the real deal. Then @mrsgifletcher posted THE most amazing post that you must go and have a read whilst all along @stylemesunday is being as inspiring as ever.
After the huge Daily Mail fallout and #fishfingergate the newspaper finally picked up on the positivity that these Instagram personalities bring us and rightly so. I know I have a long way to go and who knows what will happen at the #warriorwomanproject photo shoot but I hope all those of you who got in touch with me after the Big Girls Don’t Cry post read this and can identify. Follow all these people mentioned and come with me on this new journey. Let’s be kind!
They may have created a monster as I can’t stop talking to myself in the mirror. I film it and share it on my Instastories so that is totally normal right? And more to the point look at the messy bedroom!!! And I did not even care I was sharing! I will keep you posted. Not quite wearing shorts or even contemplating a swimming costume or bikini but one day soon I know I will.
So this Monday (albeit really a Tuesday) I am going to focus on healthy eating and smile. I am not punishing myself for being overweight. I’m embracing who I am. So thank you all for the Insta-love. I literally feel your hugs and we are jumping off our Westlife stools and singing together. You raise me up.
Got this in my head now and will have to make it happen. Me (totally the main singer obviously) Giovanna (yes I know she can sing and is married to Tom and all that but this is my dream so go with me) Clemmie MOD, Clemmie Tel, Alison and Natalie – the next Westlife!