Bye Bye Fatty Bum Bum
I won’t bore you with the details of how it happened but the fact of the matter is – I is totally Fatty Bum Bum.
To be honest there are no details. Eating practically non stop whilst barely moving might have something to do with it.
So as 2017 approaches I really need to get my shit together mainly because I really cannot afford to go up another dress size and I have some clothes I really love just staring at me begging to be worn.
Without my clothes on it is pretty hideous. Rolls of the stuff, boobage spilling out front and back, thighs having full on conversations with each other. Once the clothes are on I am passable. Not too shabby especially with a Snapchat filter to sort the chins out. Bloody love Snaphat filters!!
So January 4th I am doing the whole fat club thing. I wish, I really wish, I didn’t have to do it. Standing in a line waiting for someone to give me the smiley happy face or the ever so slightly patronising head lean questioning where I went ‘wrong’ this week. Er, perhaps I ate too much and sat on my arse too much? Just a thought!!?
I would not mind but most fat clubs I have been to I look at the leader and wonder what she ate that week???? The Little Britain sketch for anyone who has not been to Fat Club before is bang on. Yet it works so my lardy arse will be starting. I will not bore you each week with my weight loss but I may mention it now and again (especially if I have a bumper week!!) Whoohoo – Yay I have lost weight because I have stopped being a fat bitch – get me aren’t I brilliant!??! That kind of thing. Thin, clean eating peeps must laugh at us fatties.
Ok naughty sarcastic little me is stopping now. I am ready for this and I will be committed. I’ve told you lot for a start so it must be happening! I am also doing Runuary all being well – running every day in January. I have hurt my calf though so this is a bit of a mission. An almighty pop when I was playing netball a couple of months ago and now my leg just does not want to work. Just a few moments ago my compression socks arrived and I have just worked up an almighty sweat getting them on and had to lie down but at least I have lessened my risk of DVT.
I am sure there are lots of you out there and whether you have 3 stone to shift like me or 3 lbs we can win. This shit is about to go down. Quite literally because I really do shit a lot when I start to diet. Toilet brush at the ready.
The shit is really going to hit the pan.